Ending One Minute at a Time
by Narya's Bane
Summary: A growing relationship between Anders and Hawke, from middle of act two until long after the game.  Spoilers in further chapters.
1. Love Beginning

This is Narya's Bane, venturing into the world of Dragon Age for a fic. I'll be using the Champion from 2 as my main, with Anders as her romance (because that is what my game turned out to be). Full of spoilers, by the way, for 1 and 2. Please review if you enjoy, as that will make me more likely to be inspired to write more. Thank you and enjoy.

*&$&#(^*(^*%&$%^$#$&$%^

Marian growled at the bright light that fluttered in through the windows in her bedroom. Bodahn had entered, now turning to look at the heap in the bed in the morning light now that he had woken her. "Serah Hawke," he announced, "breakfast is ser…" He stopped in the middle of his thought as, for only the second time in the few years since she'd hired him, he saw an extra set of legs that was far too masculine to belong to the previous occupants. "I'll…umm…prepare another plate."

"No need Bodahn," a warm, friendly voice assured. "I have to get to the clinic anyway." Anders sighed as he slid from below the sheets…well, started to slide until he realized his state of dress and thought better of it. He looked to Marian, desperate for some help.

"That is all, Bodahn. Thank you."

The dwarf scurried out, shutting the door to the large bedroom. Marian laughed, watching as Anders now jumped from the sheets to display his form in all it's glorious, ridiculously pale and skinny might. Still, she found her breath was taken away and she just lay down to admire with appreciation.

"Like what you see, Little Bird?" Anders asked, trying out the new nickname he had murmured the night before and getting a smile in return.

"Oh Maker yes." Her brilliant eyes furrowed, mouth drawing into a pout. "I don't want you to leave yet. Silly, I know, but still, I'd love more time together."

"But I have work at the clinic, and you have…whatever it is nobles do." He pulled his pants on and leaned over for a kiss. "Really, if I don't hurry I'm likely to find the place raided for need of supplies."

"Will I see you again tonight?"

Anders had a flash of panic cross his face. He'd made promises, and knew he wanted to keep them, but what about his plans? Then he turned and saw the fear in Marian's face and knew he couldn't bear to disappoint her anymore. No more hiding. No more ignoring the flame between them.

"I'll see you tonight, yes. Careful though; if I get used to your bed I just may have to move in with you."

Marian shrugged. "So move in. Your space in the clinic can't be that comfortable, and I certainly have extra room."

Anders looked in her ice blue eyes, at the truthful glance only accentuated by her pale silver hair, and was amazed by what he found. "You're serious about that."

"As death. My father taught me never to ignore magic, or love. I'm never letting you go."

Anders felt a pain in his chest. "I'm afraid I'll break your heart in the end. Until then, I'll stay at your side." He kissed her again as he finished dressing, lingering a moment in the door and grinning like a boy with a crush. "Until tonight."

"I shall hold you to it." The door closed, and Marian counted. Three-two-one… Again it opened, and Anders blushingly grabbed his staff from where he'd left it on the middle of the floor. "Love you," Marian noted.

When he said "I love you too" she felt her heart flood with joy.


	2. Drunken Wandering

Anders didn't blame Hawke for being depressed on their way back to Hightown. Her eyes had been understandably downcast since they'd killed the mage who had kidnapped her mother. Nothing was going to be as usual for a while, and he knew her smile was likely vanished until they could break her out of the discontent. She was unopen to such a break; her fast pace, one he couldn't possibly keep up wth, was indicative of that much.

It had been a month since they first shared a bed, and he returned now most nights. It was the most stress-free he ever could remember being, and he'd hoped to continuously provide her with the same comfort. That was just not going to be possible in this circumstance. Marian had held her mother just hours ago as the woman died in her arms, and so her distancing for now was only to be expected. Even so, Anders hated to see her so upset.

When the group finally broke, Anders first went to the Hanged Man and spoke to the bartender. Marian usually preferred to stick with light wine in order to keep clear headed, but tonight was different. Anders asked for the cheapest, most evil smelling bottle of get-drunk-quick liquor at the counter and hid it in his robes on his way to Marian's apartment.

Bodahn looked oddly relieved as Anders walked in the mansion when he answered the door. Upon entering, the mage understood the reason. Marian had apparently locked herself in the room that had been her mother's quarters; based on the sounds, she was busy whittling away at the furniture with her sword. Anders sighed and waved the dwarf into safety, gathering his own courage to knock on the door.

The beating sound stopped. "Go away, dwarf."

"What if I'm just a concerned friend here to comfort you?"

A loud sigh and thud as she sat against the locked door. "I'm not in the mood for your manner of comfort, Anders."

He clinked the bottle against the door. "I took a page out of Isabella's book."

After a second, the lock unclasped and the door cracked open. Marian stood before him, bags under her eyes from crying and hair mussed in knots for the first time Anders had seen. She also had small cuts on both hands, and tear stains gracing the collar of her shirt. Still she raised her head to look at him, a blush in her cheeks. "Alcohol?"

"Something a little special for tonight," Anders suggested, waving the bottle in front of the crack in the door. "Come on out and we'll share a few. I promise to make it worth your while."

Hawke tiptoed out into the hall, bright red as she looked at herself. "You must have something more important to do."

~She's right, you know. There are plans we have to make…~

Anders shut out the second voice in his head, offering a hand to Marian. She needed him tonight, more than he needed to work on some arrogant plot for rebellion. The warrior took his arm and followed him upstairs, him grabbing two glasses as they went up and into the main room to share their drink.

Just over an hour later, the bottle lay empty as Marian set her glass empty atop it's neck. She leaned back to her previous spot, head on Ander's chest, feeling the movement and he topped off his glass as well and set it on the floor beside the other last pieces from the evening's drunken exchange.

"You really don't see the difference?" Anders asked incredulously. "Mages in Ferelden and slaves in Tevinter?"

"No. I mean, listening to you and Fenris argue is amusing but you really are both saying the same thing, aren't you?"

"I never thought about that." Anders frowned. "Does that mean I have to be nice to him from now on?"

"Do you feel like you should?" 

Even when she was drunk, Anders was amazed at Marian Hawke's pointed diplomacy. She had a way of making you do what she wanted just by suggesting it as if it wouldn't have occurred to you. Anders recognized the ploy very well. Kasha Aeducan, the Gray Warden, had done much the same thing, only without the adorable tug at her lips to accompany it.

Anders accepted that he too was drunk. It was a lot like having Justice in charge, only more fun and he got to actually still keep control of his actions for the most part. He liked how Marian was sprawled against him; he could run his fingers through that beautiful hair. Suddenly, she pouted as she looked at the floor.

"We're out," she noted. "We should get more."

Inebriated, the comment actually made sense. Actually, it sounded brilliant. "More. Of course."

Marian scratched her chin thoughtfully. "Don't like Lowtown, and nowhere up here sells this late." She suddenly sat up, almost falling all the way forward before catching herself. "The Gallows. I know a merchant or two is still open for the lads looking to get hammered."

"Brilliant little bird." ~No it isn't. She's drunk, you're drunk. Stay put and let it pass.~ Anders grumbled softly and stood wavering to straighten his clothing. "Let's get going."

The mage and warrior went together into the opening in the Gallows. It took only minutes for Hawke to find and grab their bottle, and Anders had it open an instant later. They shared several drinks from the bottle and walked together hand in hand. It was Anders' reaction to the Templar Gates that actually broke the quiet mood. He hissed. Marian couldn't help but laugh. "Hissing? Really?"

"Ser Pounce-a-Lot used to do it."

Hawke shook her head and put a loving hand on his shoulder. "Have you considered voicing displeasure in other ways? Drunken slurs and cursing is often said to help. Let me show you…"

~She's dangerous, Anders.~

Before Anders could sober up enough to stop her, Hawke slung off the first set of curses at the Templars. The guards looked up from duties to see the two, anger in their eyes in response to the insults. Anders went crimson and prepared to take point. In the back of his head was the little voice reminding this is why he wasn't suppose to drink. Minutes later it was Marian dragging him toward the gates while the Templars voiced complaints to Aveline, brought in as the voice of reason in this disturbance.

The guardsman came forward with a sigh. "What possessed you two to do something so ill-advised?"

Anders whispered into Aveline's ear, explaining the events of the day until she was brought up to date on the fate of Hawke's mother. The discourse fully broke the effects of alcohol, though as he looked at Marian he was thankful to see she still had a haze to her actions. When he finished, he met Aveline's eyes with a harsh purpose. "So what would you have done?"

Aveline sighed. "I'll see what I can do, but it will take a while. Get her home safely."

When Marian awoke the next morning, she was in her own bed with head throbbing. She sat up, finding the motion made her ill; quickly, she turned to the bedpan and allowed herself to wretch. As she did, she felt a hand patting her back and rubbing in small circles. Much as her mother did when she was small…

The thought of her mother caused Marian to be ill again. As she did, the tears truly flooded her vision. Instead of letting her cry alone, Anders wrapped tight around her and whispered meaninglessly into her ear. She leaned back, allowing him to capture her in an embrace as she finished with hiccupping sobs. Silence signaled when she was done.

"Need anything?" Anders asked his love.

"Water. My mouth feels horrible."

Anders crawled out of the bed and went to the pitcher, returning with the wet beverage. Marian rinsed her mouth first, then gulped the clear drink down and handed the glass over. Anders took the cup automatically, moving to refill and sip, leaning against the bedside. He tentatively moved to set beside her again, raising a hand to her face. She nodded, allowing him to brush her hair back and plant a soft kiss on her lips.

"Better?"

"Better," she admitted. Then she paled. "Maker, did we actually…I mean, the gates?"

"You were wonderful, Little Bird, but I don't think the act made us any friends."

When Marian turned away, she caught glimpse of herself in the mirror and balked. Within minutes she had herself cleaned up and looking normal again. As if nothing had ever happened. Anders breathed in relief that his ill-conceived plot had worked.

They were downstairs sharing breakfast when Aveline came in, appearing to wish she was anywhere else with how slow she moved. Hawke gestured her to the table, gauging the fear in the older woman's eyes. She waited a moment, wiping her lip and stretching to stand up. "How bad is it, Aveline?"

"You caused a stir last night. Knight-Commander about asked to have silver hair in the stocks, and some blonde in a basket beside. Took hours to get her to calm down." Anders and Hawke looked at each other, a giggle passing between them. "No laughing matter. This could get very serious."

Hawke silenced, and Anders paled. "Is there going to be trouble for us?"

"Not both of you. Hawke, I'm sorry, I…if they can't quite beat you, the Templars ask you to join them. Well, train with them. Give their requests favor for a year, and accept training with their recruits until you are proficient. Basically, you are supposed to learn how to do their job and then help with it."

Anders was stunned. He sat back in his chair and closed his eyes, upset. Aveline looked embarrassed. Only Marian herself had a delayed reaction: after her initial silence, she burst into laughter. "I will accept the deal if, after the year, I can choose to either leave in peace or continue to give them favor and further training. This is hilarious."

Anders looked in shock, eyes burning bright blue. "What?"

"If I do this, I can offer my assistance and knowledge to mages against these abilities. You can study them, and if needed I can use them against the Templars for you. There is no down side."

Aveline interrupted. "There are risks, Hawke. High ones. If you should get too proficient, use the abilities…"

Marian held a hand up. "Yes, there are risks. I know them well. I once suggested to Carver that he and I take the vows to better protect father and Bethany. After we'd studied the eventualities, he couldn't go through with the idea. I wouldn't show him up so…" She shrugged. "I'll be careful for as long as I can."

Anders moved forward, planting a small kiss on Marian's forehead. "You're crazy, my love."

She grinned. "Crazy, maybe, but this could be fun." And Hawke also realized very well it would make Anders that much safer.


	3. Justice Rising

"Do you need to talk little bird?"

Hawke leaned on the balcony, her face buried deep in her hands. She didn't even move from that position when Anders put a hand on her shoulder. "She was my friend." She shook as she spoke, voice deadly even. "She was my best friend. For three years. I just feel like I betrayed her. I betrayed the trust she put in me, and by extension the trust all of you put in me."

Anders had no idea what to say to soothe Hawke. He noticed her crying almost silently, shaking as she stood looking over her home. Then he felt himself recede, pushing against the feeling as Justice came forward, unable to stop it. Yet the Spirit didn't lash out the way the Mage had been certain he might. Instead he spoke gently, leaning beside the warrior on the ledge. Marian turned quietly, looking at him without fear as she noted the difference. His hand reached out to hers, and she took it without flinching. It was a failiar sensation, yet somehow different too; it was more friendly, packed with far less tension than Anders' tended to be. And he actually sighed before speaking.

"Isabella made her choice, Hawke" Justice reminded the Champion. "You could no more have changed her path than you could mine. Your reaction was fair. She needed to be punished, and it wasn't worth the lives of your other companions to ensure it was your own form of justice served."

The woman paused. "That's reasonable. Unfortunately, it doesn't make it any easier."

"Being the voice of Justice rarely is easier. However I can respect you for choosing that path." He sighed. "As much as I appreciate Anders and all he has done for me, his viewpoints are exceedingly harsh. It makes it hard to keep my head straight. I might have done better with a host such as yourself."

Hawke smiled. "I guess that would make sense." She thought a moment, than shook her head with a laugh. "Anders would never allow any conversation about something like that."

"I could subdue him for a time." Justice shrugged lightly, evilly, feeling Anders' absolute anarchy rising. "He really hates us talking about this, I admit."

Hawke considered a second. "Don't you think it might be worthwhile to return to the Fade?"

Justice shook his head. "I long to stay in this world until such time as the greatest injustice is righted, whatever the form. I have a great purpose. And you…you are of high concern."

"Really?"

"Anders was pure purpose once. That was the reason I accepted when he offered, even if it was the reason I changed once we joined. Around you he softened. It is problematic. He is unable to fuse his desire for you with his former passions."

Hawke blinked, and understanding dawned. "Mages are taught not to love. That is part of the training, why Bethany and I were considered so special. No siblings you know of, no lovers allowed, nothing at all allowed in case it allow a feeling of rebellion. Remember what he said to me- that it was the rule he will most enjoy breaking. Still, the inability to fuse the love and rebellions…it is a residue from that time. The ability to explore the love is one part of the freedom you want to claim for mages. Help him to claim it."

The blud light dissipated, and Anders returned to the forefront. His mouth gaped open. "You…you…quieted him. How…no, why…when you spoke to him as a friend…"

Hawke put a finger to his lips. "He is a friend. He was dear enough that you gave him a part of your life. If he means that much to you I will accept him as well for an ally. My love for you isn't limited to just your person, Anders; it extends to those you care for and your causes." Anders wrapped around Champion Hawke. She rested her head on his chest and sighed as she finished. "He's a good friend at times as well, but he isn't the part of you I love. I wish I could free you from him."

"Don't make a deal with him, little bird," Anders pleaded. "You mean to much to me. I would save you any pain and suffering that it would cause, even if you would be a better host and friend."

Marian burst into tears as she buried herself in his hold. "I'm a terrible friend, Anders! I sent one of my closest companions to her execution at the hands of a violent and cruel fanatics." She sobbed into his coat, tears staining as he patted her back lightly, For as much as she was the Champion and he the moody depressed part of their party, Anders was amazed how much time he spent holding her as she broke down. Not that she didn't deserve it, though.

This time however, Justice was obviously jealous. It was nice to have something to himself, something the other part of him couldn't touch.

~That used to be your desire for revolution. I see how the priority changes, and rightly so. Why not close off that part of your past, finish what you once vowed to complete.~

- - How? - - -

~You need a few things, and someone who would be willing to help you move your personal battle to the next level…~


	4. Dragon Taming

Marian lay on her bed alone as the morning came. She sighed, already long awake, and let her eyes move to the carved heart at the top of the bed in which were etched the words Marian Loves Anders. Her fingers lightly caressed the edges of the words, eyes a little damp. At the foot was the partner phrase burned in magic: Anders Loves Marian. Seeing that she actually became childish, pouting until she felt the tears fall.

The minute she had a chance Marian had taken care of Anders' requests. Even against her will, she had helped him, knowing quite well the items he hunted for were not a part of any magic spell. She even accepted his decision to keep his true intentions hidden. Accepted, but not respected or understood.

Especially when he asked for her to help breaking into the Chantry.

So many times Marian had just about refused to help, or demanded to speak with Justice and force him to explain what was going on. Unfortunately she loved Anders too much to breach his trust that way.

Yet there was a high price on her silence. Marian's heart was breaking, and she had an inkling that Anders didn't even notice. Since that day in the Chantry, he'd been overly distant and moody, unwilling to talk or laugh or really do a single thing besides brood. Marian thought, letting her tears fall and hit that cursed pillow- the one that Anders had tried to give Varric, and Varric had slipped to Marian that same night. But then Anders had rarely come in the days since then, and when he did he was too preoccupied to notice.

The night he had handed over the item, acting as if a man already dead, Marian had lost it with absolutely no notice. She had simply shown up beside the dwarf at the Hanged Man. After several drinks of ridiculous proportion she had tried to come on to the dwarf… at which point he had coerced her to his bed, put her to sleep, and called for Fenris to carry her home.

Now, days later, it still hadn't healed between the mage and the warrior. Marian lonely in the early morning was proof of that. And it only was worse considering that she liked having him by her side during their travels- for healing reasons, of course.

Not today though. Marian made her decision right then. Let Anders think she'd taken a day to rest. She preferred to simply kill something to relieve this stress, and hopefully get a bit sore and beaten just to feel something other than this bitter frustration at her love. Instead, she'd take Merrill. The elf needed some sunlight anyway. Even if she didn't have healing, there weren't any dangerous tasks ahead. Today's menu was just a trip to the Bone Pit to rid it from dragons one more time. Given how easily the beasts had gone down previously it wouldn't make a difference.

That thought lasted about until the warrior saw the high dragon flutter from the mists. Her heart seized in her chest as she raised her sword and issued orders… Fenris to protect Varric this time, and she moved to stay near Merrill's volatile but unpracticed offensive magic. She refused to let the fear show in her eyes, not to them. It interrupted Varric's story, made Fenris upset, and Merrill… well, she would only panic. Instead she steeled herself for the battle at hand, sliding in and attacking with iron will.

Things actually were going well, or at least not terribly, until just as Marian noted the dragon was on its final breath. Then it smacked its jaw and looked to Merrill, ready to catch the young blood mage in her fangs to take someone with her. Hawke rushed forward, used her abilities to push the beast back, and hit hard. Not hard enough. The beast grabbed the warrior instead. Marian's last conscious image was of Fenris preparing a strike and going in for the killing blow in an attempt to extricate her, and her mind started to wander. She desperately wished Anders was there; at least she would have gotten to say good-bye…

So it was Fenris and Varric brought Hawke's badly ravaged form to the depths of Darktown. When Anders saw them enter he was about to protest until he saw Fenris' cargo. In an instant he'd cleared the clinic, shuttered the door, and gestured for Hawke to be set down. His preliminary findings were not good: her lips were ungodly blue, she was cool to the touch, and the damage was extensive enough there was not a part of her that didn't seem to be bruised or perforated. It was a frightening extent of damage. Finally getting the courage, he asked, "What happened?"

Varric went over the tale with Anders as the mage finished his check of their badly injured leader. Each word made Anders shudder and pale, even as he gathered the magic to himself and put his hands in position to heal Marian. Usually, the magic would center on the area of injury; in this case, it completely covered her with a blue glow until Anders let the ebb flow and looked up, exhausted and fearful. "Andraste's sweetness, what possessed her to go out without me? She needed a healer nearby!"

Varric shook his head. "You really don't understand, Blondie?" When Anders shook his head, leaning over and looking at his lover blankly, Varric sighed heavily. Varric sighed, turning to Fenris. The elf more than got the message, leaving with a mumbled excuse of getting more supplies in case Hawke stayed the night. As he left, Varric locked the door and squat on the floor. "You've been hurting her, ever since those blasted tasks you hauled her on. You've been overly distracted. I noticed, and I'm just your friend; she's your partner. It hurt her. Badly. What did you think was going to happen?"

Regret shook Anders like a punch to the gut. Even the part of him that was Justice seemed a bit embarrassed, though it reminded that he'd wanted to tell her. "I've been acting terribly," Anders admitted. "Like the bastard I was probably born. Maker's breath, I want to make it up to her."

He looked at the unconscious woman he so desperately wished wasn't battered and broken, gathering his strength for another heal. He almost cried to feel how bad the injuries still were; it was a miracle she'd survived at all and returned to him, but now her life was in his hands even though he'd squeezed at her enough to crush it. As he completed the spell, mana ebbed yet again, tears attempted to flood his eyes and spill over. Both will and strength left him, and he fell backward…luckily into a chair Varric had conveniently pushed into position behind him.

"I don't know what to do," Anders admitted.

"Be honest with her," Varric suggested bluntly. "If you love Hawke, it is a discussion you owe her. You have to make the decision of what happens next together. You have her love, but can you earn it?"

Anders wiped his eyes, knowing this was the right answer. It was even similar to what Justice kept telling him. "I'm…not sure." He was shaking now, hand tentatively moving to that somehow still-perfect hair only he was allowed to touch. He flinched away at the last instant, feeling too dirty to proceed. Instead, he centered his hands and prepared for one last heal before he had to stop for the night and giving promises should the Maker let it work.

Hawke stirred just slightly, not waking but shifting and murmuring softly. Anders left his eyes shut tightly, but slowly moved to clasp one of her hands and latching on. Hawke's color changed to something less ghostly, and Varric exhaled loudly in appreciation. Anders slunk back into the chair, drained and gasping slightly. "She's going to…be ok. I couldn't heal…everything. But enough. She can sleep…safely."

"Then I'll get out of your hair. Before Fenris actually does go through any of your lady love's underthings."

Anders nodded, staying seated and allowing himself to drift into a light sleep. As he let sleep take him, he heard a beautiful murmur from Hawked that made his heart flutter. Not only was it a good sign of recovery, but it was a fair estimation of his name.

Morning broke without the sun reaching Darktown. Anders felt rejuvenated all the same, and his good mood only improved as he woke to find Marian safely healing. He forced a few healing potions down to help the process proceed before grabbing some bread and cheese and sitting down at her side, scribbling her thoughts on paper.

Hawke's first realization was hat she was not in her own bed. Due to that, she kept her eyes shut and decided to sense out where she was before waking fully. The bed was oddly familiar, if a bit small, but the dead giveaway was the strong hand cradling both of her own. She knew personally how dexterous and precise it was, had felt the tenderness with which it treated everyone he touched. It gave her a safe, warm feeling that she had missed for far too long.

Anders had once admitted he hated when a patient woke and he was unaware. Due to this, Marian squeezed with both hands to alert him before opening her eyes. His beautiful brown eyes were full of relief as he gazed at her, immediately dropping his writing utensils onto the floor.

"You're awake." Anders about squealed.

Marian tried to nod, finding it made her a bit lightheaded to try. "How.." Even as she started to ask what had happened, the memories came back. "The others!" Even as she started to bolt upright, Anders stopped with a very light shove.

"Nobody else had an injury that needed treatment. You, on the other hand, were brought to me resembling something more akin to a well-used pincushion."

"About that…" Marian blushed a bit.

Anders put a finger to her lips. "Varric and Justice have both given me enough talking to without the object of their discourses reiterating the point. Can you forgive me for how I've treated you, my little bird?"

"Depends. Can I sit up yet?"

Anders let a nervous laugh finally escape his lips. He stood to fluff a pillow and help her get upright. "Better?"

From that position, there was less stress on her back and Hawke felt much more comfortable. "Immensely." She reached out again, rewarded with his hand once more.

"Really though, I hurt you." Ander's face contorted in guilt. "I want to make it up to you."

Marian squeezed again, eyes shutting as she sighted. "Is this about using me to create something sinister, or lying about it to my face afterwards?"

There was no right answer. Especially when part of your mind was laughing and going ~ Oh I like her! ~ "Umm…"

"I'm not an idiot, Anders. You really thought I wouldn't know what you sought was not spell materials? But I understand your reasoning, agree to a point, and love you enough to keep up an illusion if it helps."

Anders leaned over. "I knew there is a reason why we love you." He paused, and then shuddered. "I. I love you." His eyes narrowed, and Marian could swear she saw a blue tinge.

"It's nice to be admired," she joked, "and I don't might if your friend has a crush as well. As long as you both understand that it is YOU I love so desperately."

"Maker I adore you," Anders breathed. He saw her yawn and reached to brush her cheek. "That does unfortunately mean that you should get some rest. All your friends want to see you recovered shortly. I'll be here when you awaken."

Marian snuggled into the covers, realizing she was in no fit state to object. She felt a slight warmth from his hand enter her, and was going to say something about overusing mana until it occurred to her this was part of him watching out for her. She let him show this kindness, drifting back into a blissful sleep.


End file.
